Strange Coincidences?

During this new journey of mine, three experiences occurred that some people might call strange coincidences.  What is your take on them?


Experience One:

I had my first appointment with a neurologist on a Tuesday in March.   At that appointment the Neurologist dropped the bomb that she suspected I might have Parkinson's disease.   Those words came totally out of the blue for me.  I never once thought about Parkinson's or any other disease.  In fact, my regular doctor had alluded to what she thought my tremors might be from and that there would be a quick fix for it.  She sent me to the neurologist to check it out.  In my mind I was sure there was nothing to worry about.  I have always been extremely healthy and felt perfectly fine other than the very mild, but strange tremors in my left hand and leg.  So to have the neurologist suggest possible Parkinson's Disease to me was hard to comprehend that day.


That same Tuesday evening I attended a church women's dinner and program.  I almost didn't go. However, I decided it might do some good to get my mind off of what I had just been told.   While sitting at my table, a friend came up to me and  gave me a hug.  She said "I don't know why I am telling you this, but today I felt you needed a special prayer, so I prayed for you."  There was no reason why this friend would have prayed for me this day of all days!  None!  No-one knew my situation and my symptoms were not visible to anyone else but me and my husband.   My heart leaped to my throat and it was all I could do to choke back the tears.  I knew if I let them flow - I would be a blubbering mess and there was no way that was happening in public!


You see - the previous Sunday,  I had knelt by my bed to pray and had pleaded with God to please help me know He was really there listening to me.  I begged Him to let me know that He truly cared about me.  I had been feeling a major disconnect with God for several years (totally my doing) and I was finally at a point where I felt I needed to rectify my spiritual low.  Little did I know that Sunday evening just how soon I was going to require God's help. 



Experience two:

A couple of years ago a very sweet woman started attending our church congregation.  She used a walker and it was clear that she had a condition that caused her hands to shake.  Occasionally she needed rides to church functions so I got to know her bit by bit and soon we became friends.  She has such an amazing attitude and a great sense of humor.  She is always making me laugh.   She eventually shared with me that she has Parkinson's disease which was caused from taking some medications most of her adult life.  While her life is hard - she lives alone in an assisted living facility at the age of 56, and struggles both physically and mentally - she manages to maintain a loving charitable attitude towards everyone she comes into contact with.  She has seemingly unlimited inner strength  which she derives from a strong faith in God and exhibits an unwavering desire to live the best she can no matter what her circumstances are.  Placing her trust in God, she humbly accepts her trials and acknowledges His loving hand in her life. Who would have ever guessed that not only would we share a friendship, but we would also share the same disease?


Experience three:

Shortly before my final diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease was made and confirmed by a Movement Disorder Specialist, my boss hired a new girl to fill an empty position in our office.  It's a small office and she overheard me talking about my diagnosis to my boss's wife (who is a good friend of mine).  Shortly after, she came to my desk and told me that her Father in Law was a medical researcher.  She said I was not going to believe what his research was about.  She was right - I didn't believe her at first.   As it turns out - her FIL has been working most of his adult life in a research center trying to find a cure for Parkinson's Disease.  After picking my jaw up off the floor, I told her to please tell him to hurry up and find that cure cause I was going to need it - like soon! lol

I have been mulling these experiences over in my head, trying to understand their significance if any.  Coincidences?  What are the odds of these things happening randomly?  A couple of days ago, it hit me.  These experiences were given to me for a reason and each one has a specific message for me from a very loving God! 

Message #1 - God loves ME!  He knows me personally and cares deeply about me.

Message #2 - I need to have faith in God.  I need to put my life in His very capable hands and trust Him.  With this faith, (and a fair amount of humor) I will be able to handle whatever comes my way.

Message #3 - I have to always maintain hope!  Hope that the future will be bright.  Hope that a cure may be found.  Hope that I will live a long and productive life, even if a cure is not found.  Hope that this disease can be controlled.

Strange Coincidences?  I think not!






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Depressed?

(Audible Sigh)
It has been suggested that I may be depressed!  My response to this is - YOU THINK!!!!!

I mean seriously, who would NOT be depressed if they were told they have a progressive disease that bit by bit will deteriorate their body?  Who would not be depressed to go on line and read about the yucky stages and often debilitating effects of Parkinson's Disease as it progresses?  Is there anyone who gets this kind of diagnosis and IS happy and thrilled about it?! 

I suppose there are some people who thought they had something worse and are happy with this disease instead.  Or maybe someone who was a sadomasochist would be happy!   For the record, I thought I was perfectly healthy and I am definitely not a sadomasochist!  (Well, I am pretty sure I am not one!)

The fact is that for most people, learning they have Parkinson's Disease or any other disease is just D.mm depressing!  So of course I am depressed!  Wouldn't you be? (Deep Breath)

(Slowly breathing) Whew!   I feel so much better!  I am going to find a happy place -
somewhere where there is lots of chocolate! (Smirk)

In a funk

Well - as you can guess from my post title - I am in a funk.  It's kind of a cranky funk!  I knew things were not good when my husband jokingly (and not so jokingly) said "Woa, the B.... is back!"  I thought I was dealing pretty well with my life and with the diagnosis of Parkinson's.  But apparently not!  While I have been trying to stay positive and keep my negative emotions in check, there may be some indications (OK there ARE some indications) that I am not doing a very good job at staying upbeat.

Today one of my friends gave me an article from Good Housekeeping which was an interview with Michael J. Fox.  As you all probably know, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease several years ago.  In the interview Michael made a comment which struck me hard when I read it.  "That's it!" - I thought to myself.  "That's what I feel like!"

He said " with Parkinson's, it's like you're in the middle of the street and you're stuck in cement shoes and you know a bus is coming at you, but you don't know when.  You think you can hear it rumbling, but you have a lot of time to think. "   This is exactly what I feel like!  I tried to describe it to someone this way  "I feel like there is always this dark shadow lurking behind me.  I try to ignore it but it's there, always hiding behind me."


Michael J Fox went on to say, "And so you just don't live that moment of the bus hitting you until it happens."   While I desperately want the "you just don't live that moment of the bus hitting you" to be my philosophy,  the "rumbling" of the bus rings loud and clear in my head.  I realized today after reading this article, as much as I hate admitting this,  not only am I frightened by being hit by that bus but I also am even somewhat angry and frustrated with not being able to stop it.    

So my quest is to find ways to deal with my fear, anger, and frustration cause the "bus" is eventually coming and there is nothing I can do about it!   I want to get on with my life in a happy way and burying the emotions is not working so well.  The B.... needs to go!!!!!!

Any suggestions?