Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Pity - Part 2 - Don't want any!
Well - it's as official as it is going to get! I had two neurologists (one who specializes in Movement Disorders) give me a diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease. I have been in denial for awhile - trying to ignore this possible outcome. But now I am ready to accept it! (Do I have a choice?)
So what am I suppose to do with this information? At the moment, I am just trying to process it.
The one thing I know for sure is that I need to go on living my life - the best I can, no matter what!
I am not looking for pity! I am not pitiful! (at least I hope I am not) (and I don't guarantee I won't throw a me invited only pity party occasionally)
I don't want sympathy as I don't feel sorry this happened to me. I feel scared and a little worried about how this will all play out. But that's life. There are no guarantees how any of our lives will play out. The future is unpredictable, but it has always been unpredictable. I need to live my life one day at a time, and try to stay focused on the present, not on the past or worry about the future. Each moment we have is precious and should be appreciated. I am not always good at doing that very well. I need to work harder at it.
So I WILL go forward and live my life each day, the best I can! I know there will be good days and bad days. But that has always been the case. I will learn about this disease and deal with what it sends my way. That is how I have lived in the past with challenges and that is how I will continue to live with this one. I have Parkinson's disease, but I am still me - nothing changes that and this disease will not define me. I won't let it. This disease along with it's symptoms is a part of my life now and will affect certain facets but it is not my whole life nor will I allow it to overshadow the other wonderful parts of my life.
I know God is with me and will continue to be there for me. It's up to me to continue to reach out to Him and allow Him in my life. I have felt His presence throughout this ordeal and I am grateful for that blessing. I still have good health, I am not in pain, and the symptoms of this disease are manageable. The research and medical breakthroughs concerning Parkinson's are rapidly evolving. I have my family and the support and love of a very special husband. I am especially grateful for the very special friends who have sent me love and wisdom as needed. (You know who you are! :)
Forgive me if I blog about this new part of my life a lot (at least at first) as I intend to use this blog as my sounding board. Feel free to slap me up the side of my head if I come across depressed or if I am not following any of the statements I made above. My hope is that my writings will not only be a positive outlet for me, but also I hope that perhaps they may be beneficial to others too. If not - tough! lol
What ever happens - Do not pity me! I don't want any!
(Especially if you happen to be a sarcastic Elevator Guard with a French Accent!)
So what am I suppose to do with this information? At the moment, I am just trying to process it.
The one thing I know for sure is that I need to go on living my life - the best I can, no matter what!
I am not looking for pity! I am not pitiful! (at least I hope I am not) (and I don't guarantee I won't throw a me invited only pity party occasionally)
I don't want sympathy as I don't feel sorry this happened to me. I feel scared and a little worried about how this will all play out. But that's life. There are no guarantees how any of our lives will play out. The future is unpredictable, but it has always been unpredictable. I need to live my life one day at a time, and try to stay focused on the present, not on the past or worry about the future. Each moment we have is precious and should be appreciated. I am not always good at doing that very well. I need to work harder at it.
So I WILL go forward and live my life each day, the best I can! I know there will be good days and bad days. But that has always been the case. I will learn about this disease and deal with what it sends my way. That is how I have lived in the past with challenges and that is how I will continue to live with this one. I have Parkinson's disease, but I am still me - nothing changes that and this disease will not define me. I won't let it. This disease along with it's symptoms is a part of my life now and will affect certain facets but it is not my whole life nor will I allow it to overshadow the other wonderful parts of my life.
I know God is with me and will continue to be there for me. It's up to me to continue to reach out to Him and allow Him in my life. I have felt His presence throughout this ordeal and I am grateful for that blessing. I still have good health, I am not in pain, and the symptoms of this disease are manageable. The research and medical breakthroughs concerning Parkinson's are rapidly evolving. I have my family and the support and love of a very special husband. I am especially grateful for the very special friends who have sent me love and wisdom as needed. (You know who you are! :)
Forgive me if I blog about this new part of my life a lot (at least at first) as I intend to use this blog as my sounding board. Feel free to slap me up the side of my head if I come across depressed or if I am not following any of the statements I made above. My hope is that my writings will not only be a positive outlet for me, but also I hope that perhaps they may be beneficial to others too. If not - tough! lol
What ever happens - Do not pity me! I don't want any!
(Especially if you happen to be a sarcastic Elevator Guard with a French Accent!)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Pity!
Thirty years ago my husband and I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Germany for about 4 weeks and while there we traveled to Paris, France for a couple of days. Among the many remarkable sites we visited, the Tour Montparnasse building is one of our favorite memories and an experience we still talk about. Seeing the building itself and the fabulous view is not what we relate, although all that was amazing. But instead our tale focuses back on the conversation we had with the elevator guard and his few words spoken to us.
The Tour Montparnasse, we read, was the tallest building in Paris and allowed a spectacular view.. You could buy tickets to the observation deck which was a few floors below the top of the building and for an additional charge you could also go up to the roof deck which of course was the top of the building. We had decided we would be satisfied with the observation deck as I have a fear of heights and it sounded like it would be more enclosed than the roof. So my husband bought the tickets to the observation deck, ...or so he thought. None of us spoke French and the French people did not seem to us to appreciate Americans very much (an understatement), so we often had, um..."difficulties" with our interactions.
While standing in line waiting to take the elevator, my husband frustratingly figured out that what he had actually paid for were the more expensive tickets to both decks. There was an Elevator Guard standing in front of the elevator so my husband approached him and tried to communicate that we had the wrong tickets and ask if we could exchange them. The man, in a haughty manner, waved his hand towards the ticket counter. Shortly after going back to the ticket counter, my husband returned unsuccessful in his attempt to exchange tickets. He once again attempted to explain to the Elevator Guard (who seemed to understand some English) our dilemma, hoping, but not expecting that he might help. While nodding towards the ticket counter hubby said “She wouldn’t exchange our tickets.” The man, with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous smirk on his face, replied with his heavy French accent, “No? … Pity!”
So we made the best of the situation and visited both decks. We found the roof top view to be incredible (even when standing as close to the middle and away from the ledges as possible – which is where I stayed the whole time). It was an experience that we enjoyed and we were even happy in the end that we had the (semi-forced) opportunity to get to see both views.
Right now I am facing something that I would really rather not face. Sometimes I picture God, standing in heaven with the same twinkle in His eyes as the Elevator Guard. And as I try to explain to God that “really - I don’t need to or want to go through this experience, I am fine with the view I already have”, I imagine Him flashing the same mischievous smile and I hear him lightheartedly, but lovingly, say (with a French accent lol) “No?..... Pity!”
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Needed Reminders
My friend, Fay, is always sending me needed reminders for my life.
Thanks Fay!!!!
First Reminder was sent to me on a Saturday morning when I was really down and feeling scared:
Two Horses
Author Unknown
Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.
But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite
amazing...
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for
him.
This alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from
the smaller horse in the field.
Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.
It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two friends,
You'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind
horse,
And that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk
To where the other horse is,
Trusting that he will not be led astray..
When the horse with the bell returns
To the shelter of the barn each evening,
It stops occasionally and looks back,
Making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because
we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.
He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we
are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of
those who God places in our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that...
You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.. *
Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
Be kinder than necessary-
Every one you meet is fighting Some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
FOR WE WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT!*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8QubLxJI54
Your right Fay - we are never alone, God makes sure of that!!!!
Thanks Fay!!!!
First Reminder was sent to me on a Saturday morning when I was really down and feeling scared:
Two Horses
Author Unknown
Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.
But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite
amazing...
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.
His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for
him.
This alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell.
Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from
the smaller horse in the field.
Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.
It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two friends,
You'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind
horse,
And that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk
To where the other horse is,
Trusting that he will not be led astray..
When the horse with the bell returns
To the shelter of the barn each evening,
It stops occasionally and looks back,
Making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because
we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.
He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we
are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of
those who God places in our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that...
You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.. *
Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
Be kinder than necessary-
Every one you meet is fighting Some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.......
FOR WE WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT!*
Second reminder. Absolutely beautiful!! Sent to me today when I needed to have my faith strengthened.
Barlow girl - Never Alone Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8QubLxJI54
Your right Fay - we are never alone, God makes sure of that!!!!
The Third Season of Life
I often compare my life to the seasons of the year: Spring, Summer, Fall, & Winter. Right now my husband and I are living in our third season, which I compare to Fall - or commonly referred to by many, "The Golden Years".
Looking back over the past two seasons, I realize that I have been impatient or too busy to enjoy them as I should have. As a child, young and blossoming in the season of Spring, I couldn't wait for Summer to come. The blooming process, while beautiful, was tedious and too slow for me. I wanted to grow up faster and felt constricted in my plot of earth. Instead of fully taking advantage of the growing process and allowing myself to bloom at a slow and natural pace, I pushed myself prematurely out of the season of Spring by getting married at the age of 16. We started our family immediately and sure enough I found myself in the Summer years, surrounded by the noises of children laughing, playing, & crying.
The Summer phase of life was busy and full of activity. I often felt overwhelmed with it's demands and wondered why I had been in such a hurry for Spring to be over. We had five children born to our family in a 6 year period. Then 4 years later our sixth and final child joined us. Needless to say I was enmeshed in the hectic summer activities of child rearing. Faced with so much work to build and maintain the family plot of ground that I was now responsible for, I realized that I had not developed the necessary skills I needed and was suffering the consequences of forcing myself to bloom so early. Yet, I had no choice but to try and do the best I could, learning by trial and error (mostly error) in my efforts to help my little seedlings grow and develop. The years of Summer flew by fast and were over all too quickly. Hind site is 20/20 and I now realize that because of the hectic pace and overwelming demands, for the second time I did not take the time to enjoy the amazing season I was in..
Now that I am in the quieter and definitely more calmer season of Fall, I look back and feel sad that summer is over. I miss the noises, activities, and wonderment of the child rearing years. (well - except the frustrating teen years - which I am eternally grateful are over!!!!). However, I have more time to myself to reflect and think (which may or may not be a good thing). This Fall season of my life has been somewhat of a relief as the work load is lighter because there are only two of us to take care of. I am more selfish and inner focused (also may or may not be a good thing). With the extra time I discovered that I still have so many unanswered questions that I would like to find answers for. I am in the process of re-examining many of my old ideals and beliefs that I once took for granted as truths. My husband and I have time to work on our relationship as husband and wife. We are relaxing more and very much finding pleasure with each other and with this season of life. We travel, we visit our children and grandchildren, we eat out, we go to movies, we laugh, and we have fun. Fall is a beautiful season and there is a reason it is often called the Golden Years! It is a precious time of life, full of richness and blessings.
However, as I notice the leaves starting to change colors and begin to fall around me, I become scared and think about the Season of Winter ahead. I fear the unknown and the cold that is next to come, and worry if we will be prepared enough for the blizzards that we may face. These thoughts drive away the enjoyment of this season, so I am learning to quickly push them aside so that I can stay focused and continue to look at the beauty of Fall.
I am determined not to do the same with this season of my life as I did with the others. No matter what happens, this season I intend to stay present in the moment and enjoy all that it has to offer.
Looking back over the past two seasons, I realize that I have been impatient or too busy to enjoy them as I should have. As a child, young and blossoming in the season of Spring, I couldn't wait for Summer to come. The blooming process, while beautiful, was tedious and too slow for me. I wanted to grow up faster and felt constricted in my plot of earth. Instead of fully taking advantage of the growing process and allowing myself to bloom at a slow and natural pace, I pushed myself prematurely out of the season of Spring by getting married at the age of 16. We started our family immediately and sure enough I found myself in the Summer years, surrounded by the noises of children laughing, playing, & crying.
The Summer phase of life was busy and full of activity. I often felt overwhelmed with it's demands and wondered why I had been in such a hurry for Spring to be over. We had five children born to our family in a 6 year period. Then 4 years later our sixth and final child joined us. Needless to say I was enmeshed in the hectic summer activities of child rearing. Faced with so much work to build and maintain the family plot of ground that I was now responsible for, I realized that I had not developed the necessary skills I needed and was suffering the consequences of forcing myself to bloom so early. Yet, I had no choice but to try and do the best I could, learning by trial and error (mostly error) in my efforts to help my little seedlings grow and develop. The years of Summer flew by fast and were over all too quickly. Hind site is 20/20 and I now realize that because of the hectic pace and overwelming demands, for the second time I did not take the time to enjoy the amazing season I was in..
Now that I am in the quieter and definitely more calmer season of Fall, I look back and feel sad that summer is over. I miss the noises, activities, and wonderment of the child rearing years. (well - except the frustrating teen years - which I am eternally grateful are over!!!!). However, I have more time to myself to reflect and think (which may or may not be a good thing). This Fall season of my life has been somewhat of a relief as the work load is lighter because there are only two of us to take care of. I am more selfish and inner focused (also may or may not be a good thing). With the extra time I discovered that I still have so many unanswered questions that I would like to find answers for. I am in the process of re-examining many of my old ideals and beliefs that I once took for granted as truths. My husband and I have time to work on our relationship as husband and wife. We are relaxing more and very much finding pleasure with each other and with this season of life. We travel, we visit our children and grandchildren, we eat out, we go to movies, we laugh, and we have fun. Fall is a beautiful season and there is a reason it is often called the Golden Years! It is a precious time of life, full of richness and blessings.
However, as I notice the leaves starting to change colors and begin to fall around me, I become scared and think about the Season of Winter ahead. I fear the unknown and the cold that is next to come, and worry if we will be prepared enough for the blizzards that we may face. These thoughts drive away the enjoyment of this season, so I am learning to quickly push them aside so that I can stay focused and continue to look at the beauty of Fall.
I am determined not to do the same with this season of my life as I did with the others. No matter what happens, this season I intend to stay present in the moment and enjoy all that it has to offer.
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