"Looking Down the Road" Moments

While I try really hard to stay positive and upbeat as much as possible and focus on the "here and now", every once in a while I have "looking down the road" moments that make me feel incredibly sad.   This past week I have had several.  I don't know why - but I do know I don't like them.  They hit me hard sometimes, making me feel kind of like someone kicked me in the gut.

Moment #1 - I was running late in getting ready for work earlier this week.  I tried to speed up my pace but my body  would not cooperate - it just starting shaking more and more as I tried to hurry.  My left hand shook and stiffened causing me trouble when I tried to tuck my shirt in, put my ear rings in, and tie my shoes.   I finally had to slow down and take a big deep breath and allow myself to move a little slower.  "Down the road" my mind crept ... "I am turning into a turtle.  What's  going to happen if I can't dress myself?  Will I have to quit my job soon?  How will I deal with being an invalid? ..."  

Moment #2 - A couple of days ago while walking, I stumbled when I stepped into a hidden hole that was covered with leaves, apparently causing me to pull a muscle in my back.  I didn't feel any effects and continued my walk and then the rest of my exercise routine when I got home.  However as the day wore on, the pain started up.  It hurt when I sat down and when I stood up or moved a certain way.  All too quickly, "down the road" my mind ran ... "What will happen if I can't exercise anymore?  How will I deal with this disease if pain becomes a major part of it?  How will Hubby handle having to do everything for me?..."

Moment #3 - Last night we babysat two of our Grandsons.   I was trying to burp my precious littlest Grandson by holding him in a sitting position with my right hand and patting his sweet little back with my left hand.  My left hand stiffened and felt very awkward when trying to pat.  It would not work the way it was suppose to, instead of a pat, I only got a jerky motion.  So down the road my mind went again ... "What will happen when this disease moves to my right hand?  Will I be able to hold my Grandchildren?  Will I be able to play with them?  Will I be able to do anything?  ...."
 
Anyone else seeing a pattern here?  You may have noticed how quickly I jump to the absolutely worse case scenario possible. Good grief!!!  This kind of thinking seems so unproductive and useless!   Yet, in a way it does serve a purpose for me.  These moments make me mad, really mad, and even more determined to fight this disease.  My mind may go "down the road" thinking about the worse case scenarios every now and then, however, I will NOT go down those roads in real life, at least not without a fight!!

Don't you dare MESS with ME, PD!!!! GGGRRR!!!  (Do I sound scary enough?)

Does anyone else have these moments?  If so, how do you handle them?

Most of the time, I usually quickly catch myself, give myself a little mental slap (or a good hard one if necessary), and more determined than ever to fight this disease, I try to quickly force my mind back to the here and now - where it belongs!