Remembering to look up!

The path I walk on and surrounding ground was thickly covered with leaves all this week.   Near the end of my walk yesterday I glanced up and scanned the scenery around me and was immediately struck by the beauty of all the colors spread throughout the surrounding forest ... and surprised by the fact that many of the trees were almost all bare now.  When did that happen?, I wondered. It seemed like the trees were just starting to turn colors!  The day before, I didn't notice that the leaves were almost all off the trees, even though I was keenly aware that the path was covered with them as they crunched under my feet.  Then it hit me.  I have not been looking up much while walking lately, instead I have been focusing my eyes down on what is right in front of me, for a good reason, to make sure I did not stumble on sticks or cracks.  Furthermore, my mind tends to wander and do some processing while I walk. It's actually quite therapeutic! Apparently I was so occupied with other thoughts this week during my walks, that  I missed out on seeing what was going on around me, I missed seeing some of the beauty of the Fall season. 

I think in some small ways, I have been doing that with life too.  I have been taking things day by day, staying focused on what is right in front of me, so that I don't get overwhelmed and so that I don't do too much projecting about the future.  I often find myself focusing inward a lot, processing emotions and feelings.  For me this is a necessary and unavoidable part of dealing with health issues, and this coping method is not a bad thing in and of itself.  It allows me to deal with the immediate concerns at hand while trying to stay positive and upbeat. 

After my walk yesterday, I started thinking and wondering - if I  might be missing out on other things going on around me because of my day to day functioning method,  if my life might be out of balance a little.  As I think about it a little more, I can see that in some ways the task by task thinking pattern helps me to escape thinking about this disease and perhaps is my way of staying in denial land a bit.  But, at the same time, in a way it is also keeping me extremely focused on this disease, perhaps at the expense of other things - if that makes any sense.  Because of this day to day focus,  I wonder if I am keeping myself from experiencing my life more fully...from seeing things all around me because I am pre-occupied or have limited my scope of thinking to the immediate future and am staying away as much as possible about thinking about the long term future.

Don't get me wrong, my life is fulfilling and for the most part I am happy and satisfied.  But because of my experience yesterday while walking, I realize that if I am not careful, I may look up some day and notice I missed out on some parts of the beautiful seasons of my life.  I just need to make sure to keep my focus and my life balanced, and remember to look up regularly to also see all around me, to make sure I am participating in my life the way I really want too!