Well - it's as official as it is going to get! I had two neurologists (one who specializes in Movement Disorders) give me a diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease. I have been in denial for awhile - trying to ignore this possible outcome. But now I am ready to accept it! (Do I have a choice?)
So what am I suppose to do with this information? At the moment, I am just trying to process it.
The one thing I know for sure is that I need to go on living my life - the best I can, no matter what!
I am not looking for pity! I am not pitiful! (at least I hope I am not) (and I don't guarantee I won't throw a me invited only pity party occasionally)
I don't want sympathy as I don't feel sorry this happened to me. I feel scared and a little worried about how this will all play out. But that's life. There are no guarantees how any of our lives will play out. The future is unpredictable, but it has always been unpredictable. I need to live my life one day at a time, and try to stay focused on the present, not on the past or worry about the future. Each moment we have is precious and should be appreciated. I am not always good at doing that very well. I need to work harder at it.
So I WILL go forward and live my life each day, the best I can! I know there will be good days and bad days. But that has always been the case. I will learn about this disease and deal with what it sends my way. That is how I have lived in the past with challenges and that is how I will continue to live with this one. I have Parkinson's disease, but I am still me - nothing changes that and this disease will not define me. I won't let it. This disease along with it's symptoms is a part of my life now and will affect certain facets but it is not my whole life nor will I allow it to overshadow the other wonderful parts of my life.
I know God is with me and will continue to be there for me. It's up to me to continue to reach out to Him and allow Him in my life. I have felt His presence throughout this ordeal and I am grateful for that blessing. I still have good health, I am not in pain, and the symptoms of this disease are manageable. The research and medical breakthroughs concerning Parkinson's are rapidly evolving. I have my family and the support and love of a very special husband. I am especially grateful for the very special friends who have sent me love and wisdom as needed. (You know who you are! :)
Forgive me if I blog about this new part of my life a lot (at least at first) as I intend to use this blog as my sounding board. Feel free to slap me up the side of my head if I come across depressed or if I am not following any of the statements I made above. My hope is that my writings will not only be a positive outlet for me, but also I hope that perhaps they may be beneficial to others too. If not - tough! lol
What ever happens - Do not pity me! I don't want any!
(Especially if you happen to be a sarcastic Elevator Guard with a French Accent!)
Okay no pity. Can I be empathetic? Is that okay?
ReplyDeleteYour post shows a great deal of wisdom and maturity. This part is worth repeating:
"I need to live my life one day at a time, and try to stay focused on the present, not on the past or worry about the future. Each moment we have is precious and should be appreciated."
I think that is such a key to living a joyful life, and it's something God challenged me about through a sermon just last week. Imagine how much happier we would be if we all lived our lives in the present, rather than the past or the future.
If I were you, I wouldn't be turning down offers of healing prayer either, but I can see you don't want to be the sort of person who lies around waiting for someone to carry them to the pool. You want to be the sort of person who, when Jesus says, 'Get up! Pick up your mat and walk', gets up and goes on with their life. (John 5: 1-9)
Another truth we need to hold onto when the road ahead seems uncertain — when we don't have all the answers, or know how something is going to work out — this is our opportunity to exercise faith. And when we are weak, that is our opportunity to trust in God's strength. It's hard to see weakness and uncertainty as opportunities isn't it! It's hard because it's about letting go of our ability to control everything.
I pray that through this, you will see God working mightily — whether it be through a miraculous healing, or through some other provision, where in your weakness you come to rely on him more completely.
Thanks Donald for the empathy (that I can accept), the wisdom, the encouragement, and especially the prayers. I need all the help I can get. :)
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